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How to: deal with your inner critic

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Dealing with the inner critic

We all have that voice in our head that keeps us safe, challenges our inner views and makes sure we stay true to our moral code.

It lets us know when we should have made a different decision or approached a situation differently. It tells us to ‘do better & fight for more’.

Its a very important voice….

However what often happens is that these voices can become very critical and negative and hold us back rather than helping us to progress.

Sometimes we’ve become so accustomed to hearing voices telling us ‘how stupid we are or how disgusting we are for being so fat, or what a disorganised mess we live in’. That we need to be ‘cooler, slime, more inteligent’ that ‘you should be doing this or doing that’. The inner critic can often dismiss our feelings and tell us how ridiculous we are for feeling a certain way. Tell you that no one wants to speak to you, that you are not worth much.

The critic stuck in our head will often focus on one particular mistake we did and play it over and over again. Each time causing us to fill up with shame, re-live the pain and feel frustrated and disappointed about the kind of person we are.

When the inner critic starts to have this level of control over our emotions it can really get us down. It doesn’t allow us to live confidently, creatively or boldly.

She keeps you in the house, not going to events you want to, not saying hi to people on the street and all in the same boring clothes you wear everyday.

However there is another way.

My inner critic can be incredibly loud, analytical and invasive and I have learnt that there is some great techniques to keep her in the corner where she belongs

1. Ask her who she is

A technique that I use with my clients a lot is to work out who she is. Your mum? Your sister? Your best friend at school when you were 15? Or perhaps it is you but you when you were 15, 17 or 21? Often the voice doesn’t actually belong to our present day selves. By working out who she is, we can separate ourselves from her and we can find it easier to disregard her unhelpful and depressing point of view.

2. Have a conversation with her

This is important. You need to sit down with her and find out what she is worried about, what her deepest fears are. Listen to her an the worries she has. Acknowledge them and don’t be dismissive. Then take her somewhere she would like for a coffee, or a cup of tea and explain to her that you’ve got this, that the things she understandably worry’s about are things you can handle. The voice in your head probably hasn’t matured over the years, whereas you have.

3. Say Thank you

She’s been keeping you safe for a few years, before you move on to a new way of thinking, say thank you to her for all her support.

4. Re-train what she focuses on

This step is probably the most important and has been the most impactful in my own life: Everyday write out 3 things that you are most grateful for. Vary them day to day but be consistent and even when you are (or she) is in the foulest mood hunt them out. If you are short on time do it while you boil the kettle or brush your teeth.

5. Share it

If you still can’t shake the negative voices, then take away her power by sharing them: Write them down and talk them through. Remind yourself that ‘Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes’ (thank you Oscar Wild).

If you feel your inner critic is taking over, please know you are not alone, you are not crazy, you are just in an unskilled place and your internal voices really think they are helping you!

 

Top 4 : The In-between jacket

By | Home Page, How to, Latest Articles, Personal Style, Style Tips, Trend Forecast

Top 4  : The in-between Jacket

At this time of year it is essential you are ready for all aspects of British weather. This is where the in-between jacket comes into play.

The amazing thing about the in-between jacket is it does just that, fills the gap between two extremes. So they are great for hot days and cooler evenings, for making us feel smarter with a more casual outfit or vice versa. But they are also a great style trick to have in your back pocket for the days when your clothes are feeling a little tighter than normal, the in-between jacket will help you feel svelte and tailored.

This is a trend that actually helps you with your day to day life, so I would encourage you to invest.

The high street is brimming with them at the moment so here is my guide to the top 4 to have in your wardrobe.

How I wear the Army Shaket (Jacket and Shirt…gettit?!)

 

Without a doubt this is the best army shaket I’ve found. Thicker than a shirt but light enough to wear on a summer evening. A pale army green, that technically isn’t in my colour palate but when paired with a red lipstick I feel casual but smart. The deep pockets are great when I’m in those mum days and need to have tissues and snacks at the ready.

I would highly recommending investing in this jacket.

For a more playful approach, I love this Anthropologie Embroidered Patch Jacket.

 

How I wear the collarless cropped jacket

 

Uterque Pink Cropped split flares and western tassle shirt and Diane Von Furstenburg Jacket £144.

A cropped collarless jacket is one of the most elegant of the in-between jacket edit. It works well with trousers, jumpsuits, skirts and dresses. It helps highlight the waist, it showcases great jewellery and this sheer one from Diane Von Furstenberg gives you a light summer feel. The selling point for me was the silver zip, it took the classic shape to a more modern place.

It truly dresses up every outfit.

My Look: Uterque Cropped Split Flares, Uterque western shirt, DVF Navy Jacket

This will be a jacket I’ll own for a long time.

 

Diane Von Furstenberg Navy Pintuck jacket £144

 

How I wear The Leopard Print Jacket

 

Ganni Camberwell Jacket £225

Please believe me when I tell you that Leopard Print is a neutral. It will go with everything and is a classic piece that never goes out of fashion. Having said that it is having a particular moment at the moment, with Vogue announcing it as an AW18 Trend, seen at Victoria Beckham and Caroline Herrera’s shows. It works for most skin and hair types so will really be dependent on your style personality type.

Buy this one that I’m wearing from Ganni here or alternatively this one from & other stories is great. The waist detailing moves it away from being too boxy for those of you that want to define your waist.

Stories Leopard Print Jacket £89

 

How I wear the denim jacket on steroids

 

There is no doubt that a denim jacket is a great piece for everyone but the classics have felt too reserved for me lately and if you want to add some real interest to your wardrobe I’d recommend this Levis Made and Crafted jacket, which you can buy HERE. It has beading in emerald and pale turquoise and the lace detailing is a perfect contrast to the rough denim.

Or alternatively ask Mrs Lang to customise one for you. Her pieces are one off’s, bespoke and incredibly priced, she does army jackets and velvet blazers too. She was featured in the FT as the ‘customising queen and I have seen her work up close and its is beautiful. Check out her Instagram!

Let me know how you get on and as always if you are in need of some style advice, drop me an email at loulou@thestylingstorey.co.uk

Or follow my daily Style Lessons on Instagram

 

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HOW TO dress when you want to lose weight

By | Home Page, How to, Latest Articles, Personal Style, Style Tips

 

 

I had a lady get in contact with me today and I wanted to share it with you as its something I think so many of us can relate to. These ‘How to’ blogs are a great place to answer your style and confidence challenges.

‘I’ve just discovered you via a link a friend shared to a podcast session you did with onegirlband on how to dress for the you of tomorrow.

I relate to a lot of what you said and feel I’m on a journey of change at the moment. One thing Ive really struggled with in terms of clothes though is that I know I want to lose weight (not loads but at least a stone) but I also want to feel better about myself and my wardrobe now.

I put off buying clothes because I want to lose weight first but I’m losing weight so slowly I feel stuck. Do you have any thoughts on this? Or a blog post hiding somewhere that might help?’

So in answer to this, here is that blog post that will help with this chicken and egg situation of whether to start with the weight loss or the clothes buying:

Steps to styling success

  1. Life is short, you are beautiful and worthy as you are so celebrate you with a small touch of beauty everyday. It is important that we start seeing that change is possible in ourselves. Start a 30second style challenge. I know this is one I have talked about a lot but it really is so impactful. Doing something different is key. Anything from wearing lipstick, changing out your earrings, booking a manicure, doing a facemask, giving yourself a compliment. Go on give it a try.
  2. Start moving differently. Our bodies and mind get stuck in old unhelpful patterns. I found that it wasn’t until I moved in new ways & started to empower myself that I saw my my post-pregnancy weight shift.
  3. Don’t have clothes that don’t fit hanging in your wardrobe. Stop torturing yourself with what you can’t wear, we often feel comfortable in self-loathing and we can get very good at it, so don’t give yourself this liberty.
  4. Act as though you are already at the weight you want to be. If you felt in good shape and positive about your body, what would you be eating, what colours would you be wearing, what care would you be taking over your appearance, how would you be speaking to yourself? Notice the difference.
  5. Go and buy 2 pieces of clothing that celebrate you, allow yourselves to shine. If you really don’t want to invest in clothes, Shoes and jewellery are a great place to start.
  6. Start giving compliments to others. Get out of your own head and share the joy. Notice others and what you love about what they wear and let them know. I remember feeling so ‘woe is me’ and sorry for myself, turning this around will help you see that you are ok and put a smile on your face which is by far the most impactful styling tip I can offer.

Our bodies are remarkable beings, they keep us a live and give us the ability to do so much. There is no denying being at our ideal weight (whatever that is to you) makes life easier. We can find more clothes to fit, move more freely and feel less self-critical about our reflection however the celebration of self starts today as we are worthy of it today not just when we are thin.

Keep working towards your best self but appreciate the journey of where you are at.

If you would like help with your style and confidence and finding your most stylish self then get in contact at loulou@thestylingstorey.co.uk or follow me on instagram www.instagram.com/thestylingstorey.

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